“Naked and Afraid: Apocalypse” (HBO/Max) –

🔥A Hot Mess in the Best Way🔥

Okay, so Naked and Afraid: Apocalypse is officially THAT survival show. Four squads, each made up of three seasoned survivalists (a.k.a. the kind of people who look at a snake and think “snack”), get dropped butt-naked in a completely scorched part of Africa. This place? Once full of farms and mining ops, now a crispy, abandoned wasteland thanks to droughts and wildfires. Sounds cozy, right?

Each team starts with the basics: a firestarter, a pot, and a map (because GPS is for quitters). Then they each get to pick one personal survival tool. Choose wisely, bestie — it’s giving “Hunger Games: DIY Edition.”

But here’s the twist that makes this season slap: they’ve gotta scavenge through old ghost towns and burnt-out buildings like post-apocalyptic raccoons. Abandoned cars? Tin roofs? Trash turned treasure, baby. The way these contestants transform ruins into livable camps? Literal art. Martha Stewart could never.

Now let’s be real — not all of them are cut from survival cloth. Some are definitely carrying the team emotionally (and dragging them physically). Weak links? Yup. Drama? Double yup. A**holes? Oh, they came free with the flint.

And Mother Nature? She’s not playing either. We’re talking lions, crocs, and even a thicc bull elephant rolling through like, “Whatchu doin’ on my turf?” The wildlife is just as desperate to survive, and it shows. Then there’s the human struggle: eye impalements (!!!), heatstroke, non-stop puking. Basically, this show said, “Let’s crank the pain and vibes to 100.”

Now, maybe I’m unwell, but every time I watch this chaos, I’m like, “I could totally do this.” But then I remember I’d probably injure myself trying to open a coconut or trip over my own bare foot. It’s not the nudity, it’s the sheer dumb stuff I’d do on camera.

That said… if they ever make a scaled-down version — like Naked & Slightly Afraid: Beginners Edition or a spin-off for people who love scavenging, repurposing, and playing Mad Max with junk — SIGN. ME. UP. I’m ready with duct tape and delusion.