Reel Review Mom

It’s a new thing… Speed-dial movie-style

So, I kind of have this thing I love to do where I watch a review of a Movie/TV Show & kinda predict what’s going to happen… This 100% is pulling inspiration from my need to spoil crap for others & my ability to deduce the gaping plot-twist and storylines that are written by 2nd graders in Hollywood (that obviously get paid about $100,000 more than I do a month). *sigh*

Tonight I was looking for movies on Amazon (in their top-rated category… very prestigious), that I actually haven’t watched, so here you go…the top #5.

I promise this is literally my feedback/thoughts based on the previews from these various streaming platforms…. Grab a drink. I’m not actually going to watch this sh*t…..

• Monster Summer (Amazon):  It’s got Mel Gibson and I still haven’t forgiven him for the whole ‘The Holocaust never happened…” bullsh*t. Watching the preview…literally the movie is a culmination of childhood camaraderie similar to IT & how dare you try to reel me in with the ’80s nostalgia classic hit by Tiffany, “I Think We’re Alone Now”.  WE ARE NOT GOING TO BE ALONE RN, BECAUSE I’M ON TO YOU (Mel Gibson). I’m also feeling a strong reference to The Crazies because of zombies & a hefty dose of good ‘ole Americana and baseball… Let me guess… One of the kiddos gets possessed/infected by a zombie-like virus & Mel Gibson is the only one that can save him (I’m just going to say it’s probably a dude because they’re usually dumber in movies). Oh please, Mel Gibson, will you save this young man and help restore these tweens summer back to normal debauchery….*yawn*
• Star Trek Beyond (Amazon) : Well, this one’s easy… It’s about dorks in space that are not part of Star Wars, so I don’t really care, lol.  Something happens, like catastrophic, and puts the universe  at stake for its demise, but at the end of the day they save it all and ultimately save humanity. Yay! *eye roll*
• Cold Skin (Amazon) :  within the first 2 seconds of the preview these are the thoughts I have… Number #1 –  reminds me of The Thing. Number #2 – reminds me of the TV series, The Terror, Season 1, which was excellent by the way (watch it). I feel like this show is slightly inspired by Homer’s, The Odyssey, and oh yes, there are indeed monsters.. . I think they’re REAL mermaids. Might actually be good….
• The Reader (Amazon) : obviously this is a movie related to the Holocaust. It’s got Kate Winslet from the Titanic, so I’m down. I love her…. She’s amazing and she doesn’t age, lol. I probably will watch this, though it’ll be one of those days when I’m feeling nostalgic and melancholy. I can’t believe I haven’t watched it actually… The trailer/preview is in fact, maybe like a 2- minute random selection of the movie and not actually a schematic view of it. My impressions are it’s not a feel-good flick,  but it’s important, cuz it’s history.
• The Howl (Amazon) : how dare those British try to command those trains; it always ends in disaster! These people must have watched Train to Busan, which I just wrote a review about last week. Except, oh, they wanted to be cheeky and the movie is not about zombies… It’s about werewolves (I think). I don’t care about werewolves, really... I just don’t. I’m fine with them all dying for movie’s-sake, lol.

I’m exhausted and still haven’t found anything to watch!

Woe is my life; first- world problems! 😛