When a bad movie is actually good……say WHAT?
I’m going to start this off by saying I don’t like Mark Wahlberg or Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, etc., whatever. I’m sure it’s not keeping him up at night. It’s not keeping me up at night either. My opinion is that Mark Wahlberg is literally the definition of a typecast actor. . . He is the same mediocre actor in all movies. He has a flat affect. I compare him to watching George W. Bush Jr. speak when he was President…. It was painful, perhaps excruciating. I’m anxious FOR him. He’s not attractive & he’s boring; like I’m a narcoleptic and I have a hard time watching a movie with him without falling asleep, even with Adderall. But I digress. (Wow, maybe that was a little mean but, I’m going to say it how it is…*shrugs*)
The Happening is an interesting movie because it’s actually somewhat based in scientific fact about the whole thing with the f*cking bees, and the plants/nature. . .
Yeah, so here we go…… Let’s go down that rabbit hole, shall we, Alice?
If cinema is a grand stage where human emotion finds its purest form, then The Happening (2008) is the awkward karaoke night where Mark Wahlberg belts out Bon Jovi off-key, clutching the mic like it’s a hostage. On paper, this film had potential: M. Night Shyamalan writing and directing a “nature strikes back” thriller in which unseen forces cause people to suddenly, horrifically, end their own lives. Creepy, right? But instead of horror, what we got was an accidental comedy showcase where Wahlberg proves—conclusively—that he should never, under any circumstances, be asked to play a high school science teacher.
Let’s pause and savor that casting choice. Mark Wahlberg. As a science teacher. Explaining biology. With equations on a chalkboard. This is the cinematic equivalent of hiring a hamster to pilot a Boeing 747. Like, HUH??!!
Wahlberg delivers each line like he’s trying to convince himself of basic reality. When he explains the scientific method, you half expect him to say, “You know, the science-y stuff… with the beakers.” His facial expressions, meanwhile, hover between confused math student and man who just spotted a raccoon in his kitchen.
The problem isn’t just bad acting—it’s consistently flat acting. Wahlberg doesn’t climb emotional peaks or plunge into valleys. He exists in a state of eternal, monotone limbo, where every line has the same weight as “pass the salt.” Remember the scene where he whispers to a plastic plant, “I’m talking to a plant… just to be clear”? That’s not acting. That’s hostage footage. And yet, it’s arguably the most authentic moment in the movie because Wahlberg seems just as baffled by the script as we are.
Shyamalan wanted an eco-thriller, a cautionary tale about humanity’s strained relationship with the environment. Instead, audiences left the theater quoting Wahlberg’s deadpan “What? No!” as if it were Shakespeare. The Happening is meant to terrify us with invisible toxins carried on the wind, but Wahlberg’s flat, A-fact delivery saps every ounce of tension. People are dying in grotesque, horrifying ways—construction workers leaping off buildings, drivers stepping out into traffic—and there’s Wahlberg, wide-eyed and whispering like he’s in a Target commercial.
It would be unfair, though, to give Wahlberg all the blame. Zooey Deschanel is also present, mostly to look confused and blink rapidly. The script itself is wooden, the dialogue stilted. But Wahlberg, bless him, elevates the disaster into unintentional comedy gold. His performance is so off-key it becomes surreal performance art. Watching him ask, “Are you eyeing my lemon drink?” feels like observing an alien impersonating a human with only partial data.
Over time, The Happening has transcended its status as a failed thriller. It’s a cult comedy—though not intentionally. It’s beloved not for its scares, but for the sheer audacity of Wahlberg’s anti-acting. In a way, it’s prolific: a reminder that even in Hollywood, sometimes the scariest thing isn’t the apocalypse. It’s Mark Wahlberg, looking straight into the camera, and trying—so earnestly, so impossibly—to sell us science.
An actual science though, but he sh*t all over it with his funky-bunch stuff…
You’re welcome. Enjoy!
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