Reel Review Mom

If you’re considering watching Primate, let me lovingly stop you right there…

This movie is incredibly and almost distractingly similar to Cujo by Stephen King — and yes, the 1983 film adaptation Cujo — except instead of a rabid Saint Bernard delivering suffocating tension and psychological dread, we get a rampaging animal plot involving an ape, padded out with aggressively underwritten, horny millennial teenagers and some truly baffling acting choices.

Where Cujo worked because it was tight, claustrophobic, and emotionally grounded, Primate feels like it read the Wikipedia summary and said, “Yeah, we can do that… but louder.”
The problem isn’t even the concept…

Survival horror with a relentless animal threat? That can absolutely work. But this movie replaces tension with yelling, character development with clichés, and suspense with scenes that feel stitched together without rhythm. The dialogue sounds like it was written by someone who thinks every young adult communicates exclusively in sarcasm and bad flirting.

And the acting… whew. There are moments where you can practically see the actors waiting for their cue to scream. Emotional stakes never land because nothing feels earned. Instead of gripping your seat, you’re checking how much time is left.

I’m all for a campy creature feature. Lean into the chaos. Have fun with it. But Primate doesn’t commit to camp or serious horror — it just kind of flails in between.

You might not like my review nor agree with it, but that’s okay. It’s cool. We live in America right? And hey,👍 to something positive about getting older, lol! I’ve seen a LOT of sh*t!

Is there nothing original left for Hollywood to film??!

Bottom line? Save your money. If you want real animal-attack tension, revisit Cujo. It still holds up.

❤️@stephenking