Reel Review Mom

No one else should move to Florida. Please. I’m going to offer some real facts about the state to deter you for making the worst mistake of your life .

If I wasn’t so lazy I’d make a video. But alas, I’ve watched a lot of videos of people that live in Florida and I just love us all because we really try to inform the public of the craziness and they just don’t really believe it!  So, here goes…
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We have alligators (affectionately called swamp puppies 💕) and plenty of other natural wildlife who don’t want to be messed with. They’re dangerous and they’ll kill you. They’re not playing! True Floridians have jumped on alligators and/or killed snakes (I’ve done both). IT’S A RIGHT OF PASSAGE FOR US. But don’t try this if you’re not from here please!

We have crazy humans too, such as methheads/crackheads. We have rednecks. We have lots of homeless individuals, but sadly most of them are vets.  We have various practicing religious groups. We have yuppies. . . The Rich are here, yeah….they are worse than the homeless….

We have crazy weather. We have unbearable heat and them there’s the pollen… THE POLLEN. 😱 We have beaches, sure….but, we also have amazing caves.

We have a rich history of Native American culture ❤️. You can find arrowheads when you walk along the street if you look closely! It’s cool but it’s also kind of sad….

To counteract the wonderful nature of Florida we also have theme parks, casinos AND cruise lines! These are fun, but also they’re the worst.

We have deadly interstates (I-75 is  literally known as alligator alley, but really it’s ‘psycho- truckers extraordinaire’ meets “Mad Max”). The minimum speed allowed by other Floridians is 85 mph.

The FL weather is bipolar : hurricanes and tornadoes, random wind, raining even while the sun is shining  (my grandfather called this “the devil’s beating his wife” btw), mosquitos and pollen, AGAIN. Yes.

We have nice lazy roads you can travel on, to just chill, though you do have to watch out for alligators, snakes, turkeys, drunk drivers and rednecks….. The Internet might not exist out there. Be careful; you’re on your own.

We have crazy birds that are scary (prehistoric, ‘yo). I’m not a fan.

We have Donald Trump and Marlargo.

The show Dexter was filmed/plot was about Miami.  Miami is known for being a central piece to the whole cocaine revolution that happened in the ’80s …..so, there’s that….

You can experience humidity all the time in Florida. You can see rain in the distance and watch as it skirts around you (It’s the freakiest thing).

Even with all the craziness I just love Florida so much.

But, please don’t move here. We are full.